Well, I'm getting ready to get up at 5 in the morning tomorrow so I can hop in a car and go to Atlanta for the 150th Battle of Atlanta. I'm excited, I guess. Pretty much everyone I like has bailed out of going and the unit that I was planning on sneaking away to go see is no longer going so I'm stuck with people I dislike and the two people I do like, Tripp and Hawes.
Whatever, I'll still enjoy myself. And I have a gorgeous dress.
But the weekend after this, I have to go to VMI with the travel team for Rifle. I love VMI. I love the VMI keydets. I love being in Lexington, VA. I love the drop dead sexy keydet that tossed his number to me out of his window, just unf, he is the most perfect man I have ever seen.
But the place is stained with bad memories.
Before I was dating Tripp, I was dating Nate. He was my best friend and rifle teammate and took amazing care of me...until we started dating. Then he turned in an emotionally abusive asshole. He treated me like shit and made me hate myself. Everything was my fault. He would start fights over nothing and then blame me for it. He would constantly ask we were in a relationship and hint at wanting to end the relationship...and then when I would agree that we should end it (I knew he was abusive, but I stayed, fucking go me) he would double back and say how much he cared about me and that he wouldn't want to end the relationship. He would mock me in front of the team and then say he wouldn't mock me if I would just fix myself. He would say he was trying to help me.
He cheated on me.
When we went to VMI, he was being his usually abusive self and ignoring me, back when we were friends we were inseparable, but once we started dating, he wanted to "keep up appearances" and distanced himself from me when we were with the team...yeah after that, the entire team knew. But yeah, he ignored me in public and my texts, so I figured we had broken up, again, he kept me in a constant state of mind fuckery. So when cute ass keydet and his roommate started flirting with me out of their second story window, I flirted back, and then he tossed his number to me. I got yelled at by a junior female teammate for flirting, but fuck it, totally worth it. He is literally the most attractive man on the face of this fucking earth. Just UNF. So yeah, Nate got pissy and started (text) bitching me out about how he was under so much stress and blah blah blah, that's why he was ignoring me. No, you didn't care about me until someone else wanted me.
I fell for it. Like a fucking idiot. So when he invited to his room (his father got a hotel room for him, Nate, and Nate's best friend (a VMI grad) I went. What comes next is obvious. I almost hate him for being so good at it.
I finally got fed up with his shit and dumped him a few days later. But apparently we were still dating until two weeks later when he dumped me (I was already dating Tripp at this point.) He is so crazy and has a need for dominance that we weren't over until he said we were. Yeah, okay. Ass.
That night, I find out he was cheating on me. From pictures he posted on Facebook that night...but made the date of the pictures one month prior. Ohhhh, so now I see why you dumped me.
Just the thought of going to VMI with him this year makes me skin crawl and my stomach skin. A few of my teammates know, but they don't care. At all. I'm almost at the verge of tears just writing this. If Coach makes me go I'm going to be a wreck. And yeah, shooting when you're not in a pristine mental state...I'm going to be lucky to shoot a 500 out of 600...
I hate you Nate. I hate that I ever let you touch me. That I ever opened up to you. You comforted me after one of my breakups, telling me he wasn't worth it and that I was worth so much more. That I was strong. That I was smart. You made me feel better. Those things you told me now feel disgusting. I want to light every single memory I have of you on fire. You broke me. You almost killed me. I almost died because of you.
It's my year anniversary with Tripp (or yesterday was, seeing as it's now after 12.) And I can honestly say I am truly happy. He is the first guy I have ever dated that has ever treated me right. After so many liars, cheaters, and abusers, I have finally found peace in his arms. It took a long time to trust him, but I do. He has seen the best and worst of me. Ugh, I'm just too angry and disgusted, I'll write a "Tripp is wonderful" post later.
And of course, dA won't let me reset my mood emoji. Fuck you Citadel Internet.
EDIT: It wouldn't let me post this last night...wow I was angry at the time. Ha.